8 July 1998
Have considered using this [new] book as a combination note and sketch pad – to hold ideas for current, as well as for future works.
Last night I went to vision class – followed by our regular Tuesday night painting class with Michael Dowling. Vision class was marvelous – the best we have had so far.
We journeyed together, accompanied by a cacophony of percussion instruments. The evening was electric with purple storm clouds coming out of the west. They threatened, but barely produced a drop. The setting sun hung below the clouds at the horizon and lit the tops of the buildings and trees ablaze in a golden radiance. The courtyard was covered in shadow, though the moss- covered mound at the center radiated a brilliant green and the stone and sand ‘installation’ was quite inviting. That damp heaviness which precedes an impending rainstorm had permeated the courtyard. Michael had brought an assortment of drums and Ruth had provided a wild array of percussion instruments. We were all given an instrument – I chose a large standing drum which I beat with my fingers and the palms of my hands. Our journey was meant to seek insight into a piece of our own work – currently being worked on, or recently finished. We were to bring this piece of work with us on our journey, where we were to encounter two individuals who would critique the work. One would love the work and the other would hate it. (Interesting scenario) We were to work through our own feelings about the work and try to accept both points of view. Throughout the journey we would provide the background ‘music’ [I found this distracting at first, but quickly settled into a rhythm and it became very abstract.]
I decided to bring with me my recently completed “The Temptation of Eve By Lilith”. Although I was pleased with the painting, I was ambivalent about how it would be received by Michael and the class. Turns out, it was the perfect piece to bring along on the journey.
The drumming began – at first quite calamitous but eventually melodic and rhythmic – quite hypnotic. We had been instructed to call upon our totem to lead us on the journey – perhaps through a hole in the ground or through some dark passage in the woods. Drums beat steadily, tambourine sounded ‘clip, clap, clip, clap’ – I began to envision me sitting high atop the hump of a lanky camel, bouncing up and down over a sand dune desert – trying not to fall or to lose my painting. [quite comical]. No amount of pleading would stop the camel until we came upon an oasis in the middle of the desert, where he unceremoniously dumped me and my painting into a pool. The pool was surrounded by all sorts of tropical plants and trees – a paradise in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly I was visited by a very talkative baboon who noticed me in the water, my painting laying at the water’s edge. He began to marvel at the painting, telling me how much he loved it. The more he chattered, the more annoyed I had become. His pretended flattery had become very unpleasant and I tried my best to tune him out.
Just then, I had noticed a very large and ferocious tiger lounging by the side of the pool in the shade of two tall palm trees. He just lay back and watched me as I tried to collect myself and my painting. Noticing the painting, he spoke to me, saying that he did not understand the painting and really did not like it at all. The baboon began to argue with the tiger, reciting all of the positive attributes of the work. The tiger was insistent that he did not understand the piece and therefore did not like it. The more the tiger rejected the painting, the more I had tried to convince him that he was wrong. Finally, I got out of the pool and brought the painting to him in order to explain it in greater detail, at which time he opened his great mouth and swallowed me [and the painting] up. As the tiger’s great lips and teeth closed and darkness surrounded me, I could hear the baboon say to the tiger, “It really isn’t a very good painting after all!” – to which the tiger replied, “I think I finally understand it…Delicious!”
Our journey ended with a crescendo of banging – and then all fell into silence. After a few moments we each took turns describing our journey. Some spoke, some didn’t. Most were fascinated with my vision and we spent the remainder of the class dissecting it. Michael had suggested several interpretations of the many symbols. He offered that the baboon (as human-like) represented me, while the tiger, a very powerful totem – represented my vision. Only by sacrificing myself to the vision, would I achieve true understanding. He said that I am already aware that I will never achieve true vision by listening to the chatter of others – that I must look to myself and surrender myself completely to the force that is in and all around me.
I have found this whole experience quite fantastic and thought provoking – something upon which I hope to ponder for a while. I thought it necessary to try to capture the essence of the evening as best as I could so that I could think upon it later. I must commit these visions to canvas sometime soon.